Thursday, June 02, 2005


I love mornings like today. The boys and Tim are off to school and work, it's raining quietly outside, the animals are in here content and sleeping. I must say Sweety (kitty) is a bit resentful as he is every morning because I won't let him outside until after the neighborhood has quieted down. It's a quiet neighborhood anyhow but I like to wait until everyone has gone to work, etc.

Ooh, I just heard on the news that a 7 year old boy beat his baby sister to death in Florida. And "prosecutors are deciding whether to charge" this kid. That is the first thing people think of? Where does this violence come from? What kind of life has that child had? What is the difference between a child who has murderous thoughts about their baby sibling and one that beats that child to death? The parents were "outside talking to neighbors". Is that neglectful? I really am not sure.

I can't say I would never have been in the yard with my children inside alone. I guess it depends on how long. I remember dropping off to sleep sometimes the first summer I was raising the boys. They were 4 & 7. I know that was wrong and thank God the boys were never harmed. I remember one time they were outside with their neighborhood friend and I was sleeping. I just remember that once but I have blown it up in my mind to they were unattended the whole time, which was not the case. It was just an incredibly stressful time. I was a new stepmom. The boys were still grieving terribly and that made my relationship with Andy, especially, difficult. He was so angry. I just cringe thinking about that time. I am so thankful we weathered that summer okay.

Okay, I turned this pleasant time into ruing the past. I guess I just can understand how neglect happens. My mom was neglected, I was neglected, etc. I think I have broken the pattern now, thank God. You know that "there but for the grace of God go I"? I feel that a lot. Part of it is just being an overly empathic person. I've worked on that over the years but it's still there. It's not such a bad thing, I guess.

Becoming a Mom is tough. "What to do when you're expecting" didn't apply to me. Being a Mom is the greatest joy in the world. I am so thankful for the opportunity.